Well shoot. It’s been a MINUTE since I’ve breathed life into a blog post. But man, it feels good to be back.
The world today just seems to be on its head doesn’t it? I know mine does at least. With everything going on in the world, political tension, cultural growth, oh yeah, and the global pandemic, I’ve personally felt pretty lost and unsure of how to get back on track.
For the first few months of all this, the Spring really, I managed okay. I filled my days with massive home improvement projects and really threw myself into making my Kansas home a little more “me”. That worked, for a while. But eventually reality caught back up, projects reached a natural pause, and I found myself low-key spiraling.
The summer months are a melting pot of emotions for me. The heat makes me feel so liberated–I can go anywhere, do anything! (In a mask and 6-feet apart, of course.) But it’s also full of a lingering heaviness. By late July I enter into a full blown manic state it feels. One second I’m thriving, the next someone’s breathing sends me over the edge, and then in a flash I’m numb. It’s like the closer I get to August 7th, the more uneasy and less in control of my own emotions I become.
If you’re not familiar with its significance, August 7th, 2018 is the anniversary date of an accident that occurred during my family’s annual Jeeping trip in Colorado. My mom and I’s vehicle slid off a shelf road in the mountains, rolling 600 feet down the mountain side. At only 43 years old, my mom was pronounced dead at the scene, I was air lifted to a hospital, and my dog who was ejected from the vehicle was missing.
Fortunately, I suffered only minor injuries and my fur baby, Bentley, miraculously survived what call his 19-day “mountain excursion”.
So, you can see how August could be a particularly triggering month? I try to keep my cool but I definitely have my private moments, as any normal human would.
Anyways, between dealing with the shit state of the world and my own trauma, you could say I’ve felt a little “lost”.
In an effort to center myself and shake whatever funky energy I’ve had the past few months, I turned to a few of my strongest tools: faith, education, and new challenges. I’ll explain.
Faith is a fairly straight forward tool. I am a woman of faith; I always have been, but even more so since losing my mom. Many people turn from God when horrible, unexplainable things happen to them. I experienced the opposite. I have so many “God moments” from that day, so many unexplainable instances that just hours after the horrific experience, still flying in the medical helicopter, I could *literally* feel Gods presence. More on that another time.
The point is, that experience rooted me so deeply in my faith that whenever I feel myself losing grip, I turn to Him. I do this primarily through increasing my frequency of conversations with Him (prayer) and mixing up what I talk about. If you are a person of faith, you’ve probably experienced a sort of prayer “slump”. You know, where you catch yourself saying the same sort of things every time? It kind of becomes habit instead of active conversation? I try my best to avoid that and have conversations casually, as if I’m talking to a friend.
Another way I do this is by listening to Life.Church sermons while I drive. I’m not sure how safe that is, but I find myself paying the most attention while I’m in the car. I’m not on my phone, I’m not doing any tasks in the background–I’m fully engaged.
Other options might include physically attending a service and feeling connected to the house of God, listening to music that makes you feel close to Him, working in a guided faith journal, reading the bible, etc. Whatever works for you is the path to take. And if you’re not someone who necessarily believes in God, maybe you believe in something else that’s larger than you. Whatever it is, tap into that. Feeling humbled by the vastness of the world and life often brings so much peace and ultimately, direction.
Here’s where we get a little ambiguous. Education might mean something different to you than it does to me, but the overall goal here is to just expand your horizons. Learn something. ANYTHING.
I personally really enjoy learning about myself. Sounds funny right? Seriously, I am nearly obsessed with better understanding myself. Why I operate the way I do, interpreting my own thoughts and assessing if they’re “healthy” or not, consciously observing my emotions and attempting to understand them… allllll the things.
Sometimes this process involves an external source: a book, video, lesson, etc. Other times, this can be done by simply taking the time to look internally–meditating, praying, journaling, taking a long hot shower, deep cleaning, etc.
Is it just me or do we all experience our greatest breakthroughs either in the shower or knee deep in a carpet stain?
Most recently, my interpersonal education occurred via an online course by Amanda Frances called “Turning Shit Into Gold”. If you’re not familiar with her–I wasn’t until just recently–she is a money guru fueled by faith, high frequencies, and spirituality. She promoted a new course recently and after falling fast and hard in love with her, I decided to make the investment. I pulled the trigger and within an hour sat at my desk taking notes on the first module.
Let me tell ya, this gave me the exact energy recharge my life needed for quite some time.
Ive never really experienced a SUCCESSFUL business woman who believed in spirituality as passionately as she did money. Honestly, up until finding her, I’m not sure I really believed the two could co-exist.
When I say spirituality, I don’t necessarily mean faith. While she possesses both, spirituality is a lot more about peace and purpose. It’s about being very in touch with yourself and the world around you, and genuinely believing you deserve all good things. It’s a truly inspiring mental state.
So often we are our own problem. We get in our heads and in our own way. I am guilty of this. Her course helped open my heart and my mind to accept the good things the universe wants to give me. It’s out there, it’s literally waiting for me to put down my walls and accept what the world has to offer. Well FUCK, right? Such a simple concept, yet so difficult in practice.
For you, education might be much more concrete–maybe it helps you to learn a new skill or attach yourself to something tangible. Sometimes I need that too–something that I can see the progress with my own two eyes.
Regardless of what education looks like for you, the reason it plays a role in my ability to reclaim my purpose is because I find that when I start to learn something new, I become consumed by it. I CRAVE learning and I think many others do as well.
I believe we fail to present ourselves with productive knowledge–instead, we bog ourselves down with numbing agents: Netflix, Instagram, Facebook, etc. We “satisfy” that desire to “learn” without having actually consumed anything valuable or fulfilling.
When we DO put valuable information in front of ourselves, it pulls us out of our heads and back into the world.
And that is where we make change happen. In the world.
Which brings me to my final tool.
Once you’ve grounded yourself in faith and engaged in learning, you’re now prepared to push yourself. You just created a sustainable foundation to root yourself in as you take the next step.
For me for instance, my next step is moving back to Kansas. There’s quite a few steps aligning for once that’s completed, but physically moving is objective #1.
Your next step doesn’t need to be some life-altering, earth shattering decision. It can be as small as committing to a new morning routine, deleting a toxic ex’s number, fuck, maybe it’s getting out of those pj’s and taking a shower! No step is too small.
By grounding yourself in faith, you’re reminded that there is something greater at work. You CAN’T fuck up. It’s not possible. Because everything that happens to you happens for a divine reason that’s leading you down a path. That path is your purpose.
Further, by exercising your mind and engaging in learning something NEW, you’re building trust within yourself. You’re illustrating to yourself that you ARE capable of more than you previously thought.
Combined, you give yourself a foundation of faith and trust that is needed to take on a new challenge. And if you’re lucky, maybe what you’ve just learned will help you in whatever challenge you choose to take on.
Let me provide an example.
I mentioned that at the start of all this pandemic bullshit I dove head-first into home improvement. I had big, big visions of what I could do to my house. But I know myself, and historically I tend to get a bit overzealous and take on way too much at once.
This time I wanted to avoid that so I started small with the only half bath in my house. A mere 20 square-foot room that’s just big enough for a modest vanity and a toilet. Even a trash can crowds the space if it’s out in the open.
Let me tell ya, that half bath is small… but mighty. I took no survivors. Tearing out the vanity, lighting, mirror, toilet, built-in cabinet, even the fucking floor vent came out. Ultimately, I replaced everything but the floors and it is now a whole new room.
But when I started the project, I didn’t know how to remodel a bathroom.
I watched a bunch of videos on Youtube about tiling, ripping out drywall, installing plumbing fixtures, etc and decided I’m handy enough to give it a try. I have successfully taught myself about other things in home improvement, so I couldn’t see how this would be any different.
And sure enough, because I believed I was capable, I made it happen.
Without that prior experience of successfully learning new skills, I would never have felt the confidence to take on this new challenge.
It’s cyclical. Once you start learning and pushing, it becomes a cycle. Eventually that cycle gains momentum until you’re naturally learning and pushing yourself without hesitation anymore.
And just like that, you’re engaging in your purpose and adding value to the world.
With any success, by working through these three steps you will have reignited your own fire. Tapped into your soul again and established an energy that will push you forward through your purpose.
Remember: Your purpose is more about WHO YOU ARE, less of WHAT YOU DO.
Life pushes and pulls us in so many directions that its easy to get lost or confused. Being lost is okay–being okay being lost is NOT. Ground yourself in faith, engage in learning, and challenge yourself.
Realigning yourself with who you are is how you reclaim your purpose.
Increase the frequency of which you tap into your faith by whatever means work best for you. Remind yourself you are divinely created with meaningful purpose in this world.
Learn something–literally anything that doesn’t come from a social media platform. Get yourself out of your head and into the world.
Have faith that you’ve done the work to take on this challenge. You are capable of learning, pivoting, growing. Push yourself and watch a cycle of growth unfold before you.
Thanks for being here.