I was with some girlfriends last night and we got to talking about stressful situations and trying to sort through your thoughts, etc. My response to this conversation and any experience really, is that I’m a firm believer your body will tell you things that won’t make sense in your head, but you have to listen anyway.
I’ll bet you can think back to a time when you were thriving and simultaneously not following any of society’s “rules” around “how to thrive”.
Let me give you an example in my own life. When I was a senior in college, from the outside looking in, I’m sure it looked something like absolute fucking chaos. And it was.
But inside of all that chaos, I was actually thriving in areas that had been lackluster for YEARS. Now how does that add up?? I’m in the middle of more emotional and physical trauma I’d ever experienced in my life, I’d been thrown into the deep end of adulthood, and all of the “plans” I’d created for my life were crumbling around me at once.
But let me tell you a secret…none of that mattered.
The thing about a life-changing experience is it either acts as a weight or a launch pad. I chose to look at all the ugliness I’d just experienced and was continuing to experience as an opportunity to be fucking humbled. For the first time in my entire life I experienced raw uncertainty. Life literally looked me in the face and said, “Fuck your so called “plans””. That’s some scary shit.
But instead of letting that ruin me, I looked back at life and said, “You’re right. Fuck my plans.”
By releasing all sense of control and embracing my reality as best as I could, I allowed myself to create a sense of meaningful freedom and in turn, an internal drive like I’ve never felt before.
In that first year after the accident, I accomplished more than I had in what felt like all of my 22 years combined.
Here’s the cool thing, it was ALL due to the energy I chose to emit into the world.
I did not do anything alone! I had people backing me and new people showing up for me all the time. It wasn’t because “oh poor broken Sam”, they showed up because I was an energetic match to that kind of love and support.
If my heart had been cold and cut off, people maybe would have still tried to be there for me, but my energy would have sent them away and limited their ability to support me.
Think about a time you’ve been stuck between a rock and a hard place–we’ve all been there plenty of times. I’m sure you can remember a time when you were a positive energetic match for solution, and therefore it happened with relative ease. I’m sure you can also recall a time your energy might’ve been less than ideal and therefore so were your results.
Ultimately, energy matches energy. Whatever you’re putting out into the world is what you will receive and attract in return.
Sometimes it’s hard to have that bright energy in times of crisis. Trust me, I know. Sometimes you have to bring that energy into working with people you maybe don’t care for, but have the ability to help you reach resolution–that’s tough.
When you find yourself struggling to keep your energy bright and powerful, I encourage you to not look at it like you’re giving away this energy to people who don’t deserve it. Because yeah, sometimes that will happen. But guess what, it doesn’t matter because it is FAR too important for YOUR OWN GOOD to maintain that high frequency.
By staying in that place and protecting that energy, you are creating your own outcome. If you let other people or the situation you’re in taint that energy, you’re simultaneously tainting your own results and therefore your own life experience.
Take a step back in those moments and remember your energy is for YOU. It’s about YOUR happiness, YOUR peace of mind, and YOUR standard of living.
Anyways, we got slightly off track there.
Back to the main issue: GENUINELY embracing who you are.
We had to touch on that energy piece because if you’re denying your own energy, you’ll struggle to embrace your true self.
Back to my example in college–I wasn’t doing anything by the book. I didn’t have some rigid schedule I abided by, I wasn’t holding myself to some extreme accountability or forcing any structure whatsoever down my own throat.
To some, that concept might stress you the fuck out. But why? Why do we as a society teach people that structure is a NECESSARY facet of success? I can see how it helps in certain settings, absolutely. But do people who wake up at 5am and go to bed at 9am create more abundance and success for themselves?
We all have the same 24 hours in a day, how you choose to structure them seems less important to me than ensuring that you actually use them.
Growing up my family taught consistently, in jokes and in seriousness, to always work smarter, not harder.
Why do we tell ourselves that struggle is a requirement of creating the life you want? Why don’t we instead tell ourselves that its OKAY to write your own rules and design a life where you actually get to WORK LESS and still achieve your goals if that’s how you want it to be??
I mean…that’s what I’m tryna get on.
Let the fact that you are enough be what allows you to grow your life. That’s it, you don’t have to find some perfect formula before you’re allowed to prosper.
For most of my life I’ve been shamed and felt inadequate because I am a *night owl*. I HATE getting up early. I do not wake up cheery and ready for the stupid fucking day. I don’t spring out of bed with a pep in my step ready to conquer the world. If you need me before 9am, seriously, don’t.
It wasn’t until just recently that I decided to stop telling myself that was a hindering quality. Now that I have embraced that part of me, I stop feeling the need to try and control my sleep–and in turn, I actually SLEEP BETTER and on a more consistent schedule. I go to bed around the same normal time, and wake up earlier than I used to. It’s almost like on some subconscious level I would sleep in later just to stick it to the man and create a sense of control.
We all have qualities like that, that we struggle to embrace because the rest of the world loves to tell us we’re “doing it wrong”.
You know, you’re living your life and you’re working to do the thing, whatever the world says isn’t ideal about you, you’re working to do it “right”. But then you slip up, so you feel ashamed and you carry that shame around with you. Then it happens again, you do the “wrong” thing and it all starts over blah blah blah.
Here’s the deal, fuck doing it “right”!
Instead, try doing it YOUR WAY. Whatever works best for you is how you’ll best SHOW UP for you and your life!
And when you’re showing up as your best self, you start creating your best life.
In order to show up as your best self, you first have to do the work to understand what your best self looks like. That’s the type of work a lot of people like to skip because at first it can be scary. What if you find even more qualities about yourself that don’t fit into how the world wants you to work? What if you’ve told yourself for your years that you want to appear as a certain type of person and then find out that’s not who you are at all?
You gotta do the internal work. But trust me, it’s so worth it. If you want a jumping off point, read my Reclaiming Your Purpose post.
Maybe you thrive in a world that appears slightly chaotic but makes sense to you and fuels your drive, then by all means, live your chaotic ass life and live it BIG.
Maybe you’re someone who thrives in structure and genuinely feels peace in having certain things on an precise schedule, then live your rigid ass life and live it BIG, too!
I like to think I’m somewhere in the middle. There are plenty of areas of my life that need to be square in order for me to be productive. If my kitchen is a wreck, you better believe it’s gonna be on the back of my mind all day long stressing me out.
My work life, however? I cannot do systematic, scheduled, repetitive work. I just can’t. Growing up surrounded by family members who didn’t have to ask someone else if they could go on vacation or run to the dentist, made it where I feel like I don’t even have the ability to follow someone else’s rules long-term. I can do it for a while, but eventually my desire for autonomy takes the fuck over and I start to bend the rules until they fit my liking. Anyone else got that I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T bug??
Yeah, not the best quality of a student or employee. But guess what? For 24 years now I’ve been doing that and still managing to fucking PRODUCE. I missed more school than anyone I’ve ever known–literally since I was a child. I think we got our first truancy letter in 3rd grade? 🙂
Impressive, right? And that continued alllllll the way through college. But somehow, I graduated high school as a valedictorian, I graduated on time in college and with a perfectly decent GPA. And every job I’ve ever had, people saw my work ethic. I’ll admit, I don’t think any one of them appreciated my loose concept of a work day “schedule”–but I always handle my shit.
So you might have multiple facets at work within you. That’s great! That means you’re a breathing, functioning human with a real mind and life! Congrats!
You are also ALLOWED to EVOLVE. You are a dynamic human being that is growing, evolving, and expanding all the time. You may find that over time things that used to work for you no longer do–that’s fine! You’re allowed to change, you’re allowed to rewrite the rule book as you see fit.
The point is, whatever your TRUE inner self needs, STOP denying it from your life! Fuck what the world says is the “right” way to live, work, raise kids, worship God, whatever!
Your body will tell you things that won’t make sense in your head, but you have to listen anyway. Let that be enough!
When you are operating in your God-given, natural and divinely created frequency–your body will respond. You will KNOW. You will feel full, and happy, and healthy, and THRIVING.
Let that look however it needs to look. Stop being in your own way and embrace your truest self. The rest will work itself out. It always does.
Thanks for being here. Knucks to my fellow truants.