The wildest thing happened today.

I’m sitting in a public place, having a fabulous morning when I get an unexpected phone call.

I answer.

And proceed to have a 15-minute conversation that ends with me feeling… bad. To say the least.

I’m about to wrap up and leave, struggling to process all the thoughts and emotions flooding my mind, when a song comes on…

Not just any song. THE song.

“Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran.

The song I picked to open a video for my mom’s funeral.

If you’ve never heard it, it’s a beautiful and pretty emotional song as it’s about Ed Sheeran losing his own mother. And one that I only listen to when absolutely necessary, as its, let’s say, “triggering”. I’ve attached the video from my mom’s service below, for reference on the damn sad song.

Now, I’m frozen. I don’t even know what to think as I’m sitting here.

Waves of emotion are coming over me, this song that is *not* a casual public tune is playing, and I can hardly breath.

I gather myself. Attempt to not be the crazy crying-in-public lady and begin to gather my things.

I have a bill to pay, so I’m waiting for my check.

Finally, the song ends.


“WHAT a relief”, I think to myself.

I decide to text my boyfriend about the whole experience and as I’m finishing my message—another one comes on.

Back to back, TWO of my GO-TO broken-heart-because-I-lost-my-mom songs come on IN PUBLIC. ?!!?

I don’t even have words at this point. I cannot process what’s happening and barely make it to the parking lot before losing it.

It took me a good 20-minute car sob to finally get myself together.

In the moment, I had way too many emotions overwhelming me to really process my thoughts.

But even in the midst of total mental chaos, a single thought kept creeping into the back of my mind… “it’s you, mom.”

The timing of that music, the song in and of itself… that was beyond rationality & explanation.

The fact that I had just experienced something totally unexpected, very upsetting & personal…

And then these TWO fucking songs come on?????

In my book—that’s not a coincidence. That’s God.

I know in my heart that as I sat there hurting, my mother and God showed up to have my back. I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was telling me she was there. That she knew I needed her in that moment, and she came.

I believe God and the Universe work in mysterious ways, far beyond on our understanding.

To some, that experience might sound like a casual coincidence that I’ve wrapped up into something bigger in my head.

But if you’ve ever experienced that sort of thing—you know. You know the feeling in your gut that theirs is something greater than yourself at work. That everything is happening by design.

It’s extremely humbling to look back on those moments. To know that all the while we think we’ve got all this “control” and that we’ve got the world in our hands… God is behind the curtain laying way for things we never could imagine.

I believe in co-creation. I believe God doesn’t just HAND us things willy-nilly without any work on our part. But I also believe He loves us and shows up when we need Him.

And to know that He is present and taking care of us all the time, that is a level of peace that you can’t put a label on.

To have such confidence that we’ll see our loved ones again. That our life is in the hands of something greater than ourselves. That we are being held by Him…

That’s more than I could ever ask for.

We all have access to that peace at all times. Whether you identify a greater power as God or something else… the love and support of that power is around us all the time.

Choose to let that love in. Choose to know you are taken care of.

The rest will work itself out. It always does.

11/08/21

How God Shows Up in My Life

Beauty

THE GRIEF CHRONICLES

LIFE

Personal Growth

ALL

xoxo,

Sam

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