Ushering in the Next Era of Homemaking

It All Starts with Martha

Let’s get down to brass tacks here.

If you haven’t seen the Martha Stewart documentary on Netflix, you are missing out.

I can’t remember the last time I related so much to an individual. Now, she’s obviously an extreme example of all things–homemaking, entrepreneurship, and cultural impact. Be that as it may, I’m not sure how I’ve made it 28 years on this planet without realizing she might be my soul sister, ultimate icon, and idol?

I have to imagine there is a large population of women who feel this way. She gives the modern woman permission to blend the feminine beauty and eye for detail with the masculine assertive, no-bullshit nature. Naturally, she’s been coined a “bitch” for this; but let me tell you, if living life like MS is wrong–I don’t want to be right.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Part of what resonated so much with me was that blend I mentioned. As women we are taught to be soft and easy–never too loud, too opinionated, too stern, too angry. Those are not becoming looks on a woman as determined by the outside world. I, personally, have always felt the internal clashing of my masculine and feminine energies. I love beautiful things, I always have. Let me look through a website and hide all the prices? Somehow I’ll still end up picking the most expensive item like clockwork. It’s just… there. This craving for things to look and feel a certain way.

But there is another side of me. An analytical, no bullshit, no frills side. One that prioritizes efficiency, problem solving and execution. One that doesn’t throw on a smile as I declare what I need just to soften the delivery. A side that isn’t all that concerned about how something makes people feel, or how much you like me, when we’re all here to get shit done. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have thought just how absurd it is when people have easily hurt feelings in a work or project-based environment. People who can’t take constructive criticism without a severely bruised ego in tow. Not because I don’t value people’s feelings–in fact under normal circumstances, I’m quite the opposite! But because when I turn on my game face, I’m here to complete a job–and I expect the rest of the world to think that way too. I want honest feedback. I want efficient, to-the-point communication. I’ll do so as pleasantly as a normal human can, but you won’t see any extra’s thrown in just to make sure I’m liked or well received. If that offends you, I fear we should not be in the same arena.

Like I said…

Two sides of the same person. One soft, one hard.

And from what I’ve gathered about Ms Martha, she possesses similar traits. Albeit, it sounds like hers might be a little more extreme than mine… her success is nearly incomprehensible so I’m not sure I could find fault in her approach. We need more women who show us how utterly beautiful this melding of personality traits can become if we’re bold enough to deploy them together. I think my mom did her best to embody both of those sides of herself when given the opportunity. She didn’t have an eye for design much, but she knew something looked good when she saw it. She was girly and absolutely beautiful, and a shrewd business woman. She took pride in the details of her home, her presence, and her lifestyle without letting those things water down the deepest parts of her essence nor shrink her presence in a board room. Her priorities where nearly always reflective of what she valued most in life–and she had the keen awareness to pivot when things were off.

I want to be like my mother and Martha in those ways. I want to give my whole self to everything I do. I want to take pride in what I create in this world, no matter how big or small. I want to have the courage to scrap something entirely and go back to the drawing board if its what’s necessary to get it right. I want to show up with my most feminine characteristics proudly on display, with no feelings of needing to make sure I was “sweet” or did so with a smile on my face at all times. Because that’s not me. And growing up I would’ve benefitted greatly from seeing more women hold both traits in a beautiful balance. I always felt like I had to lean into one or the other, because in many ways, they’re conflicting notions. This softness and hardness co-existing. At least by the world’s definition.

But what if they weren’t? What if the two traits combined are actually our super power?

A Life by Design

Not everyone has an eye for detail or a tendency to crave perfection to a nauseating degree. It’s a blessing and a curse, let me tell ya. Though, even women who don’t take things to such an extreme can likely identify with the desire to love their space. To create a home that is their and their family’s sanctuary. And in a world where Amazon deliveries can be to you in two days at most, hours at least, where we’re bombarded with influencer-seductions of the newest crazes every day, it is increasingly difficult to truly curate something. We acquire things we don’t love because someone we look up to says we should, a bit of time goes by and the luster wears off so it’s time to rinse and repeat.

The truth is, building something that lasts takes time. And while no one loves to dive head first into a project as much as I do–we must remember to have patience when building our homes and spaces in ways that truly reflect us.

I want to start a series… I’m thinking of calling it “Life by Design”, where I share my journey to curate the unfinished areas of both our home and life. Sure, that will include material changes like furniture or window coverings, etc., but it will also include curating our lifestyle–how we eat and take care of our bodies, minds, and souls in this house.

There’s a school of thought that passionately detests maximalism and the “hoarding” of materialistic belongings. There is definitely something to be said for our ever-decreasing attention spans and the negative effects of impulse shopping. And sure, not everything needs to be “pretty”. Sometimes it just needs to function. As much truth those notions may hold, they are however, not what this series is here to explore. Even if you’re in a season of saving or you’re reserving resources for areas of life that are more important–first of all, I applaud your discipline; as I said earlier, I genuinely believe things worth having are built over time. That does not, however, exclude you from dreaming, visualizing, and enjoying. So if this isn’t a journey you hope to participate in at this time, please by all means, join me in a more pinterest-esque fashion and just enjoy with me.

It is my hope that together we can learn new things and continue to explore what it means to express the most authentic version of ourselves through our homes, lifestyles, and surroundings — both material and otherwise. Both masculine and feminine.

Because as Martha Stewart would say, “it’s a good thing”.